The 2014 International Vietnam Jeep Rally:
4 posts
• Page 1 of 1
Post by: jimj » Fri Apr 18, 2014 1:08 pm
The 2014 International Vietnam Jeep Rally:
As president, founder member, and chairman of the VHWCC, I have been asked by the committee (of 1) to write a resume of our recent doings. We have been on the 2014 Vietnam Jeep Rally organised by Steve McCullagh of classiccarjourneys.co.uk. innit? Steve is CEO, MD, Chairman and tea boy at classic car journeys. Take it from me, he makes a great cup of tea. Sadly there`s little Lotus content in this story so those of a sensible disposition may like to look away now. If you don't want to know yet how it ends, also, look away now?. We`re back.
We`ve been on a few of Steve`s events before and persuaded 8 of our rallying pals to join us then a further 2 too, Mel and Amanda. Mel was in charge of wine ordering at dinner and seems to favour a special vineyard, Lezaveanother. Maggie and John, the patriarch, did all the worrying, enough for all of us, so no one had anything to worry about, excellent. Hilary and David, Westie to his friends, is now called Wettie, or Davidoff, but more of that anon. I think Hilary took quite a shine to Steve McRally, judging by the maidenly flush to her cheeks in his presence. It`s possibly because Steve and Wettie both wear those red trousers worn by gay antique dealers and people who holiday in Salcombe.
Great pals Tony and Judy, and Roger and Barbara, made up our group of 12 and as they were pretty much all there on my recommendation the weight of responsibility for their enjoyment was a burden recognised at the end of the rally dinner by Steve McGenerous who presented me with a red plastic watch. If it hadn't worked at all at least it would have been right twice a day. As it loses 25 minutes every day its only right once every 57 hours. As it happened, and no surprise to us, Steve McGreatbloke laid on just the most brilliant event, as always, and we`re looking forward to receiving some credit from our pals, maybe, sometime.
Everyone in our group had just the best time, especially Wettie who was most enthusiastic all the time, and he`s not wet behind the ears....but more of that anon. There were 21 Jeeps on the rally, all ex US army left behind after the tragic Vietnam War nonsense. 42 jeepers and almost everyone was not just delightful company but, also, most vocal in their appreciation of just what a great job Steve McJokeyBlokey does. A team of 9 mechanics, the brilliant Cuong on logistics, Thuan on just about everything, Thuy on admin, then, never mind sorting out the whole shebang, Steve McDiscipline had these 42 disparate but mostly delightful like-minded but independently-minded ralliers on time, every day at the morning briefing. He didn't actually ask us all to fall in though Wettie would have.....but more of that anon.
So, classic car journeys.co.uk? what? Google it. SteveMcStrangeplace runs rallies using quirky vehicles to various corners of the planet. Kerala, Himalayas, Peru, the Peak District, and, of course, Vietnam. Though originally from London Steve McMultilingual does understand Northern and even a little Jim. If he organised a trip 20,000 leagues under the sea I wouldn't be surprised, and Wettie would probably go....but more of that anon. Vietnam, then. Well?....fabulousorama as they say in Saigon, or Ho Chi Minn City, as it`s called by everyone except the people who actually live there. Bear in mind we were driving ex USA Vietnam War or, more correctly, the American War, army Jeeps through a country where war was waged on their home ground, against civilians and children by foreigners under no threat of physical danger themselves, originally, for ideological reasons, well, phew, how was the welcome? Amazing. Not that we`re that well travelled but of all the holidays we've ever been on I've never, ever, felt more welcome. Make no mistake, in this comparison I am also including Butlins. The people were just delightful, hugely attractive in every way, always smiling, industrious, determined and fiercely proud. It was clear to me in the first few days that the Americans stood no chance. Sadly, the ludicrous threat of ?bombing them back into the stone age? forms part of foolish hawkish foreign policy even today. I can easily see why, at the time, stemming the imaginary tide of communism seemed like a good idea but I don't get why it took 6 years to recognise the impossibility of the task and why, 40 years on?.. well, it just makes me cross. Not so the delightful Vietnamese who, when asked ? remember the past but look to the future?.
We`d done some research on Vietnam and took good advice. We knew that you had to be careful looking where you walked on the uneven pavements. I got that tip from TripAdvisor. In the remoter places some of the storm drains had no covers, I think that they were tourist traps. Also, it was wise to be careful about food and hygiene. Poor old John had diarrhoea 5 days running.....on the trot. SteveMcStraighttalking warned us that some of the toilets in the remote areas were less than delightful. I`m thinking of making my fortune by buying the under performing Vietnamese Harpic concession. I had another great idea while there; a dating web site called ontheshelf.com. People could enter their personal details with a photo of themselves, a shelfie.
As we knew from previous events Steve McStartrek, doesn't just organise a route around tourist hotspots, more likely it`s tourist notspots. Especially in the jeeps we were well off the beaten track, sometimes off any sort of track. We did visit various significant locations both cultural and Top Gearal. I`m not very cultured, more Downtown Abbey than Dickens, and I only recently discovered that that chain of islands in the south pacific isn't called the Philistines. Nonetheless SteveMcRoutemaster did incorporate some fascinating locations along the most varied and intriguing routes. We visited Ho Chi Minn`s mausoleum where he lies in state. He`s treated with great respect and affection, referred to as Uncle Ho. We were shushed by armed guards, not even allowed to call Hi di Hi to uncle Ho. Roger said that he thought uncle Ho, who died 45 years ago aged 79, was better looking than me. Clearly, when Roger was bestowed with such good looks he wasn`t granted good manners......or a full head of hair. I asked Davidoff if he`d help me push Roger in an ornamental pool but he didn`t want to get wet??.More of that anon.
Those of you who aren't too annoyed by that irritating little bloke on Top Gear may have seen their Vietnam special. The route they used was pretty much the reverse of what we did, researched by Steve McBiker, years earlier with an Australian cobber called Digby who runs motorcycle trips in Vietnam. Steve McHero did it before Clarseson and arranged for us to get the impossible, foreign car driving licences. We started Jeeping in Hanoi where we had a day or so to study the crazy but remarkably skillful Vietnamese driving habits. We weren`t thrown in at the deep end though Wettie might as well have been...More on that anon. The basic principle is that at traffic lights you should stop if you like but otherwise just turn determinedly into the traffic whether vehicle or pedestrian. Maintain a constant, predictable course and speed and be prepared to avoid others, just as they do you. Everyone is on the ball, mostly on the motorbike and often on the phone, but it just works. I really liked driving into the towns in the evenings but it did require fiendish concentration especially as my navigator was often distracted, lost her place, so I had to navigate too. It`s not easy doing both, especially while having a blazing row. The other thing my co-dreamer had difficulty with was the currency. A million dong was ?30 but Carole kept calling them dongers. I think she was confused by the large denominations.
Once out of town, the quite-fun-to-drive Jeeps would bowl along OK but not too fast and certainly with circumspection on the bends. They felt, or ours did, like a pre-war car with better brakes. Carole had a shortish drive but the gear change was so recalcitrant that I had to change gear for her. She felt out of her depth, like Wettie had?? but more about that anon. The most challenging part of the rally was drinking the coffee, strong like Turkish but served with condensed milk. Yuk. Do you remember that horrible sterilised milk you used to be able to get with beer bottle tops. Yuk, yuk. I reckon the reason it died out was that the sterilised milkmen never had kids.
The route was just amazing along slow winding back roads through villages of the poorest people imaginable but all well fed and so happy they must have all been called Larry. We were getting repetitive strain injury from constantly waving back at these lovely people and, especially, their delightful children. Definitely that is the stand out memory, well, apart from when Wettie.....more about that anon. Other parts of the route were mile after mile of really quite good roads not unlike, say, the route Napoleon. We often had picnic lunches but local food in the evenings, sort of endless banquets, never included what I, in my ignorance, expected, noodles. Steve McOrganiser had sought the very best hotels he could find but in the more remote regions best was simply a comparative term. It`s my opinion that you can judge a hotel by the size of the sliver of soap in the bathroom and certainly, on a couple of nights, the slivers were so mean that ,at home, even the most parsimonious wouldn't bother sticking such a wafer to their brand new bar. And another thing, have you noticed that with each passing birthday, cellophane becomes increasingly strong. I'm sure it costs more than the bloomin` soap.
I'm not going to go on and on, honest, about where we went. You should come and see for yourself. As we drove along appreciating our lot and shamed by the happy, lovely, people, living in a shed with nothing, I thought about the boring people who had, instead, chosen a boring holiday, lieing in a boring deck chair, on a boring beach. What a waste. I bet the blokes wear jazzy socks in the misguided hope that other people will think them less boring than they really are. Classiccarjourneys are great, Steve McGreat is great, don`t be boring, come on one.
I`d stuck a Lotus badge on the jeep badge and, as ever, at the end, gave the bonnet badge a big kiss.
The end.
Oh, you're wondering what the VHWCC is? Obviously, doh, it's the Vietnam Here We Come Club.
What happened to Davidoff Wettie? funny you should ask, well hilarious actually, but, well, basically, on a junk trip, instead of stepping right into a darkened cabin, Davidoff stepped left into the equally darkened South China Sea. It's OK now though, our split sides are recovered.
As president, founder member, and chairman of the VHWCC, I have been asked by the committee (of 1) to write a resume of our recent doings. We have been on the 2014 Vietnam Jeep Rally organised by Steve McCullagh of classiccarjourneys.co.uk. innit? Steve is CEO, MD, Chairman and tea boy at classic car journeys. Take it from me, he makes a great cup of tea. Sadly there`s little Lotus content in this story so those of a sensible disposition may like to look away now. If you don't want to know yet how it ends, also, look away now?. We`re back.
We`ve been on a few of Steve`s events before and persuaded 8 of our rallying pals to join us then a further 2 too, Mel and Amanda. Mel was in charge of wine ordering at dinner and seems to favour a special vineyard, Lezaveanother. Maggie and John, the patriarch, did all the worrying, enough for all of us, so no one had anything to worry about, excellent. Hilary and David, Westie to his friends, is now called Wettie, or Davidoff, but more of that anon. I think Hilary took quite a shine to Steve McRally, judging by the maidenly flush to her cheeks in his presence. It`s possibly because Steve and Wettie both wear those red trousers worn by gay antique dealers and people who holiday in Salcombe.
Great pals Tony and Judy, and Roger and Barbara, made up our group of 12 and as they were pretty much all there on my recommendation the weight of responsibility for their enjoyment was a burden recognised at the end of the rally dinner by Steve McGenerous who presented me with a red plastic watch. If it hadn't worked at all at least it would have been right twice a day. As it loses 25 minutes every day its only right once every 57 hours. As it happened, and no surprise to us, Steve McGreatbloke laid on just the most brilliant event, as always, and we`re looking forward to receiving some credit from our pals, maybe, sometime.
Everyone in our group had just the best time, especially Wettie who was most enthusiastic all the time, and he`s not wet behind the ears....but more of that anon. There were 21 Jeeps on the rally, all ex US army left behind after the tragic Vietnam War nonsense. 42 jeepers and almost everyone was not just delightful company but, also, most vocal in their appreciation of just what a great job Steve McJokeyBlokey does. A team of 9 mechanics, the brilliant Cuong on logistics, Thuan on just about everything, Thuy on admin, then, never mind sorting out the whole shebang, Steve McDiscipline had these 42 disparate but mostly delightful like-minded but independently-minded ralliers on time, every day at the morning briefing. He didn't actually ask us all to fall in though Wettie would have.....but more of that anon.
So, classic car journeys.co.uk? what? Google it. SteveMcStrangeplace runs rallies using quirky vehicles to various corners of the planet. Kerala, Himalayas, Peru, the Peak District, and, of course, Vietnam. Though originally from London Steve McMultilingual does understand Northern and even a little Jim. If he organised a trip 20,000 leagues under the sea I wouldn't be surprised, and Wettie would probably go....but more of that anon. Vietnam, then. Well?....fabulousorama as they say in Saigon, or Ho Chi Minn City, as it`s called by everyone except the people who actually live there. Bear in mind we were driving ex USA Vietnam War or, more correctly, the American War, army Jeeps through a country where war was waged on their home ground, against civilians and children by foreigners under no threat of physical danger themselves, originally, for ideological reasons, well, phew, how was the welcome? Amazing. Not that we`re that well travelled but of all the holidays we've ever been on I've never, ever, felt more welcome. Make no mistake, in this comparison I am also including Butlins. The people were just delightful, hugely attractive in every way, always smiling, industrious, determined and fiercely proud. It was clear to me in the first few days that the Americans stood no chance. Sadly, the ludicrous threat of ?bombing them back into the stone age? forms part of foolish hawkish foreign policy even today. I can easily see why, at the time, stemming the imaginary tide of communism seemed like a good idea but I don't get why it took 6 years to recognise the impossibility of the task and why, 40 years on?.. well, it just makes me cross. Not so the delightful Vietnamese who, when asked ? remember the past but look to the future?.
We`d done some research on Vietnam and took good advice. We knew that you had to be careful looking where you walked on the uneven pavements. I got that tip from TripAdvisor. In the remoter places some of the storm drains had no covers, I think that they were tourist traps. Also, it was wise to be careful about food and hygiene. Poor old John had diarrhoea 5 days running.....on the trot. SteveMcStraighttalking warned us that some of the toilets in the remote areas were less than delightful. I`m thinking of making my fortune by buying the under performing Vietnamese Harpic concession. I had another great idea while there; a dating web site called ontheshelf.com. People could enter their personal details with a photo of themselves, a shelfie.
As we knew from previous events Steve McStartrek, doesn't just organise a route around tourist hotspots, more likely it`s tourist notspots. Especially in the jeeps we were well off the beaten track, sometimes off any sort of track. We did visit various significant locations both cultural and Top Gearal. I`m not very cultured, more Downtown Abbey than Dickens, and I only recently discovered that that chain of islands in the south pacific isn't called the Philistines. Nonetheless SteveMcRoutemaster did incorporate some fascinating locations along the most varied and intriguing routes. We visited Ho Chi Minn`s mausoleum where he lies in state. He`s treated with great respect and affection, referred to as Uncle Ho. We were shushed by armed guards, not even allowed to call Hi di Hi to uncle Ho. Roger said that he thought uncle Ho, who died 45 years ago aged 79, was better looking than me. Clearly, when Roger was bestowed with such good looks he wasn`t granted good manners......or a full head of hair. I asked Davidoff if he`d help me push Roger in an ornamental pool but he didn`t want to get wet??.More of that anon.
Those of you who aren't too annoyed by that irritating little bloke on Top Gear may have seen their Vietnam special. The route they used was pretty much the reverse of what we did, researched by Steve McBiker, years earlier with an Australian cobber called Digby who runs motorcycle trips in Vietnam. Steve McHero did it before Clarseson and arranged for us to get the impossible, foreign car driving licences. We started Jeeping in Hanoi where we had a day or so to study the crazy but remarkably skillful Vietnamese driving habits. We weren`t thrown in at the deep end though Wettie might as well have been...More on that anon. The basic principle is that at traffic lights you should stop if you like but otherwise just turn determinedly into the traffic whether vehicle or pedestrian. Maintain a constant, predictable course and speed and be prepared to avoid others, just as they do you. Everyone is on the ball, mostly on the motorbike and often on the phone, but it just works. I really liked driving into the towns in the evenings but it did require fiendish concentration especially as my navigator was often distracted, lost her place, so I had to navigate too. It`s not easy doing both, especially while having a blazing row. The other thing my co-dreamer had difficulty with was the currency. A million dong was ?30 but Carole kept calling them dongers. I think she was confused by the large denominations.
Once out of town, the quite-fun-to-drive Jeeps would bowl along OK but not too fast and certainly with circumspection on the bends. They felt, or ours did, like a pre-war car with better brakes. Carole had a shortish drive but the gear change was so recalcitrant that I had to change gear for her. She felt out of her depth, like Wettie had?? but more about that anon. The most challenging part of the rally was drinking the coffee, strong like Turkish but served with condensed milk. Yuk. Do you remember that horrible sterilised milk you used to be able to get with beer bottle tops. Yuk, yuk. I reckon the reason it died out was that the sterilised milkmen never had kids.
The route was just amazing along slow winding back roads through villages of the poorest people imaginable but all well fed and so happy they must have all been called Larry. We were getting repetitive strain injury from constantly waving back at these lovely people and, especially, their delightful children. Definitely that is the stand out memory, well, apart from when Wettie.....more about that anon. Other parts of the route were mile after mile of really quite good roads not unlike, say, the route Napoleon. We often had picnic lunches but local food in the evenings, sort of endless banquets, never included what I, in my ignorance, expected, noodles. Steve McOrganiser had sought the very best hotels he could find but in the more remote regions best was simply a comparative term. It`s my opinion that you can judge a hotel by the size of the sliver of soap in the bathroom and certainly, on a couple of nights, the slivers were so mean that ,at home, even the most parsimonious wouldn't bother sticking such a wafer to their brand new bar. And another thing, have you noticed that with each passing birthday, cellophane becomes increasingly strong. I'm sure it costs more than the bloomin` soap.
I'm not going to go on and on, honest, about where we went. You should come and see for yourself. As we drove along appreciating our lot and shamed by the happy, lovely, people, living in a shed with nothing, I thought about the boring people who had, instead, chosen a boring holiday, lieing in a boring deck chair, on a boring beach. What a waste. I bet the blokes wear jazzy socks in the misguided hope that other people will think them less boring than they really are. Classiccarjourneys are great, Steve McGreat is great, don`t be boring, come on one.
I`d stuck a Lotus badge on the jeep badge and, as ever, at the end, gave the bonnet badge a big kiss.
The end.
Oh, you're wondering what the VHWCC is? Obviously, doh, it's the Vietnam Here We Come Club.
What happened to Davidoff Wettie? funny you should ask, well hilarious actually, but, well, basically, on a junk trip, instead of stepping right into a darkened cabin, Davidoff stepped left into the equally darkened South China Sea. It's OK now though, our split sides are recovered.
- Attachments
-
-
-
- jimj
- Coveted Fifth Gear
- Posts: 1119
- Joined: 25 Feb 2008
Post by: jimj » Fri Apr 18, 2014 2:39 pm
Oh, sorry Rohan, this is certainly not a political forum and I just felt I couldn`t not mention the elephant in the room. I can assure you how fascinating an insight we gained into something, maybe, we in the west had previously been unaware of.
Jim
Jim
- jimj
- Coveted Fifth Gear
- Posts: 1119
- Joined: 25 Feb 2008
4 posts
• Page 1 of 1
Total Online:
Users browsing this forum: lotusfan and 25 guests
Site map
SitemapIndex
RSS Feed